‘But what will ‘they’ think of me? I better keep quiet.’
‘Once I have more experience, I will do it. I am not ready now.’
‘What if I fail? I’ll make a fool of myself, so I won’t do this.’
‘The timing is not right. I’ll wait a bit more and then get out of this relation.’
Or look for another job, take on a new challenge – just fill it in.
I hear these statements from my clients and sure enough from myself too. They all come from, you’ve guessed, fear. Fear of the opinions of others, of failure, of feeling powerful…
Intrigued by the strong presence of fear, I picked up a book called “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. It offers great yet amazingly simple insight on the subject. Although I am still reading it, I would like to share some thoughts.
Fear comes hand in hand with the unknown, with facing something completely new. We are often dying to do or have something but we hold ourselves back. We resist taking the step, preferring to stay with what is familiar, be it a job, a family situation, a relationship, a physical condition, the way we are with others or even with ourselves – the list is long. We feel ‘safe’ with what we have, not with what change may bring. And we are great at finding justifications.
Susan Jeffers states five truths about fear¹:
– The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow!
– The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and…do it!
– The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!
– Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else!
– Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness!
I love the idea that everyone feels fear! Therefore, the key must be that fear is not the problem, but rather the way we respond to change and the differences in how we tackle our fears. There are, after all, many out there ‘doing it’ despite their fears.
Fears are, at the end of the day, a product of the mind, they are made up. It is reported that 90% of what we worry about never happens.² This means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. So, as Susan Jeffers puts it, it might be more realistic to be positive than negative! Isn’t that an insight?
Indeed, how often have you done something you’ve been afraid of doing, imagining all kinds of scenarios, and afterwards thought, ‘Well that wasn’t so bad’? You may even have laughed at your apprehensions. You can be sure that next time you confront a new challenge you will feel fear again. As long as you stretch your comfort zone, fear will be there. And that is actually fine.
Fear is also about choice. We can choose to stay where we are, in a place of fear where we are not fully happy, satisfied, challenged or whatever the reason for our moans and groans may be. Alternatively, we can choose to confront that fear and… do it anyway! I see it as a response to a pull. When we feel fear, it is because something in there is actually attracting us, but we resist it. Responding to it is likely to lead to something greater.
My take on this so far, is that we need to embrace fear. Acknowledge and accept it, take it with us on our next step. Some people find this easier but this only reinforces that it is possible. Also, lets face it, fear is boring. I recently read this bolt statement that resonates with me. It is much more fun to explore and expand, grow and learn, even if it is with baby steps at a time. The importance is to stay moving.
To use Martin Luther King’s words: “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
If any of this resonates with you, even slightly, gift yourself this book packed with practical tips you can use.
Would you like to share a thought or tip?
Maybe this has given you an insight?
Thank you for sharing it below in the comments.
If you have a question, don’t hesitate to mail me. I might be able to give my answer in an article.
¹You can also find them on her website: http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/5truths.cfm
²Feel the fear and do it anyway, pg.78.
